Test. Just Do It.

So the experiment was not as successful as I hoped.   Well, it did accomplish getting me to test; and I did wear my BG on my sleeve and photographed my meal choices.... those things were good.  I was able to look at that week and know what some of my patters were.  I was able to see how much I ate and how little I tested.  I was reminded to test and I paid more attention to my meals that I did in almost 2 years (since I carried the Toddler for nine months).

So I guess we'll call that a success.  And my endo team sure loved the idea.  In a whole week I had only one high over 20 and 2 in the mid to high teens!  That is good.  That is really good.  And a crap-load of BGs IN THE RANGE.  So many!  It was so great to realize that I am capable of doing it.  I just needed the focus and the goal.

Surprisingly the testing, recording the info and taking pics on my phone, where totally doable.  It was the compiling my day later that became tiresome.  I realized that I try really hard when I know that others will get a chance to see "how I'm doing".  I'm not just referring to the few faithfuls that I knew would be reading every day, but rather to everyone around me.

If I clean the kitchen, I want praise from someone; if I have a good BG reading, I badly want to share it with someone; if I do well at work, I need someone to confirm that "yes, you are doing very well."  I simply am not satisfied with doing it just for myself... I should just have a mini-victory-dance all by myself and leave it at that.  And besides most (er, all of those things) should just be done so they are done.  Not to receive praise or even a thank you.  I need to 'Just Do It" and not worry or care or look for the praise.  I can't wait for me to feel like it.  That's not how it works.  Those dishes will continue to pile sky high, as will my sugar if I don't test very regularly.

But I struggle with the concept of "do it for yourself."

I am instantly reminded of two verses:

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men," Col 3:23 

and

"...They loved human praise more than praise from God." John 12:43

Maybe if I focus on those things.  I keep stumbling on "doing it for myself".  It doesn't sit well with me.  I try so hard in so many areas to not "do things for myself" that even when it comes to my health I struggle to understand... no, scratch that... accept the concept.  It goes back to the speech that you get from the flight attendant... "Make sure you place on your own mask, before helping someone else" and it shows a small child.  I mean, I get it.  If you can't breathe, how are you going to help someone else?  And that works with me as a diabetic too.  If my sugars are off I really do not do well with the kiddies or at work or in day to day conversations.  I have to take a moment to test, grab a juice/insulin and then I can deal with the boogie noses and the stubbed toes and the "Mama, mama, let's go outside.  Let's go outside!" 

I get all that.  I don't know why I still fight against it.  

One thing I know for sure.  I need to test so that I can see it and unless I am asked (by endo team, Hubby or other "nosey" person) I don't need to have someone pat me on the back and say, "Well done." (or worse, "Wow, that's high, right?") If the BG is good or bad, God will see it and I will know that the most important thing that I accomplished is "doing the right thing".  Every time I see my BG, it's always one of two choices: low = juice, high = insulin.  My new slogan should be "Just Do __the right thing__."   And in the end, that always tugs at my heart more than all else.