I have a low.

After spending the whole day tidying up the house (and then re-tidying up after my Toddler and JK.er ran around and caused trouble) I have a low.  I have a very low low.  2.4  I have downed a glass of chocolate milk and I am waiting... waiting to go back to normal.  In the other room I can hear Hubby reading a story to my JK.er.  It's so sweet.  I feel so blessed and loved in this little family.

Hubby came home from work very late today, right in time for our JK.er's bedtime.  He gave us kisses and asked how I'm feeling.  I said I feel low.  He asked me to test and said he'd put JK.er to bed.  After a whole day of electricianing on the job site, he offers to put the little one to bed.  I am so loved.

Today I was reminded of the first ever Type 1 diabetic blog post that I read.  I don't remember who the person what, but his post that day had this verse:

"Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God"

I was at work at my desk and I teared up at that promise.  Wow.  As a diabetic it's so scary to think of ever being out of reach of carbs.  But I have a sense that God will protect me.  I can look back and see the many ways that I have been rescued and saved from danger and I know God will protect me still.

This weekend Hubby and I are flying out to San Francisco and I am so excited.  We will be away for four days.  Gotta remember to pack ALL of Sue-Lynn's supplies.  And extra insulin.  And now that I took the recent pump vacation and became familiar with the pen again, I will definitely be prepared with back up pen and over night insulin JUST IN CASE.  I can't believe I lived for 5 years with no back up pens or anything in the house.  That is crazy.  But I am covered now.  San Francisco, here we come!

Test. Just Do It.

So the experiment was not as successful as I hoped.   Well, it did accomplish getting me to test; and I did wear my BG on my sleeve and photographed my meal choices.... those things were good.  I was able to look at that week and know what some of my patters were.  I was able to see how much I ate and how little I tested.  I was reminded to test and I paid more attention to my meals that I did in almost 2 years (since I carried the Toddler for nine months).

So I guess we'll call that a success.  And my endo team sure loved the idea.  In a whole week I had only one high over 20 and 2 in the mid to high teens!  That is good.  That is really good.  And a crap-load of BGs IN THE RANGE.  So many!  It was so great to realize that I am capable of doing it.  I just needed the focus and the goal.

Surprisingly the testing, recording the info and taking pics on my phone, where totally doable.  It was the compiling my day later that became tiresome.  I realized that I try really hard when I know that others will get a chance to see "how I'm doing".  I'm not just referring to the few faithfuls that I knew would be reading every day, but rather to everyone around me.

If I clean the kitchen, I want praise from someone; if I have a good BG reading, I badly want to share it with someone; if I do well at work, I need someone to confirm that "yes, you are doing very well."  I simply am not satisfied with doing it just for myself... I should just have a mini-victory-dance all by myself and leave it at that.  And besides most (er, all of those things) should just be done so they are done.  Not to receive praise or even a thank you.  I need to 'Just Do It" and not worry or care or look for the praise.  I can't wait for me to feel like it.  That's not how it works.  Those dishes will continue to pile sky high, as will my sugar if I don't test very regularly.

But I struggle with the concept of "do it for yourself."

I am instantly reminded of two verses:

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men," Col 3:23 

and

"...They loved human praise more than praise from God." John 12:43

Maybe if I focus on those things.  I keep stumbling on "doing it for myself".  It doesn't sit well with me.  I try so hard in so many areas to not "do things for myself" that even when it comes to my health I struggle to understand... no, scratch that... accept the concept.  It goes back to the speech that you get from the flight attendant... "Make sure you place on your own mask, before helping someone else" and it shows a small child.  I mean, I get it.  If you can't breathe, how are you going to help someone else?  And that works with me as a diabetic too.  If my sugars are off I really do not do well with the kiddies or at work or in day to day conversations.  I have to take a moment to test, grab a juice/insulin and then I can deal with the boogie noses and the stubbed toes and the "Mama, mama, let's go outside.  Let's go outside!" 

I get all that.  I don't know why I still fight against it.  

One thing I know for sure.  I need to test so that I can see it and unless I am asked (by endo team, Hubby or other "nosey" person) I don't need to have someone pat me on the back and say, "Well done." (or worse, "Wow, that's high, right?") If the BG is good or bad, God will see it and I will know that the most important thing that I accomplished is "doing the right thing".  Every time I see my BG, it's always one of two choices: low = juice, high = insulin.  My new slogan should be "Just Do __the right thing__."   And in the end, that always tugs at my heart more than all else.  

Me: Exposed - Day 4

Sunday.

Before heading to bed on Saturday night I test and I am 9.4  Again with the slightly elevated night time sugars... but again we were TVing and I was snacking.  Not a bad reading... But still I correct the "high" with some insulin and go to bed.  (Just a side note, in the past 3 days I have started considering 9.4 a high?!  Wow, I'm rocking this!)

Kids wake me up at the new wake up time in our house 8:05.  This has been happening for the past week or so and I am not complaining at all. I wake up with a BG of 4.0 - woot woot!  Take insulin for the Mini-Wheats, almonds and FAT milk (as in 3.25... HOMO... I know. I know.  We decided to buy it for the kids... and it's so delicious. Who can say no and drink watered down version?)  65 g of carbs with Dual Wave - half now, half over the next hour.  We get ready for church and make it 10 min late.  (I have to do something about killing the White Rabbit.  It has got to stop.  But alas I have bigger fish to fry for now...)

After church we head over to Colasanti's, a tropical nursary garden complete with mini-golf, a restaurant and a petting zoo.  Toddler falls asleep on the way when we get there we are tiptoeing around trying not to wake him.  I test in the car because I don't feel great and I'm acting weird - on edge.  I am 9.4  Hm.  Weird.  I don't correct, and I don't know why.  

We head over to the buffet, pay and grab a sticky table.  I'm immediately not impressed.  Really?  It wasn't sticky from someone's jam that wasn't wiped off, it was the kind of sticky that was grime.  I tried to "change my attitude" as close friends of us always tell their kids, and be grateful for lunch together with my family.

The food was good.  I'm usually bad at buffets.  But today I was good.  I grabbed salad, cucumbers and tomatoes, beets (I know, right?), one skinny slice of veggie pizza and two baby roasted potatoes.  My JK.er punked one of my potatoes (so he has something to dip ketchup in, he said) and so I ate all the salad, half of the pizza and one of the baby roasted potatoes.  When my Toddler woke up, Hubby fed him the rest of my pizza and I headed for the dessert table.  I usually grab fruit and one or two sweet desserts (usually brownie or something equally rich).  I am not afraid to bolus a second time for dessert.  That's just how I roll.

But this time it wasn't necessary.  I barely had any carbs at lunch.  The bolus I took was for 80 g carbs (I did take the bolus when we first down at the sticky table... I know it seems like I was planning for "a lot of carbs" but we were at a buffet.)  I took it over the next hour and so now at dessert time I was ready to wonder over and browse the selection...  I grabbed one brownie square, half of a chocoalte cake piece with raspberries on top, and an old fashioned donut COVERED IN SUGAR. Hubby laughed when I came back with my little plate.  He helped himself to a bite of everything and agreed that my selection was great.  Overall, lunch was a success.  Minus the sticky table.

While my Hubby and JK.er play a round of mini-golf, the Toddler and I head over to the nursery garden to find something for my office at the bank.  I'm looking for a Bonzi tree but their selection is limited so we browse other areas instead.

I finally settle on a Stephanotis plant and now that mini-golf has ended and their time in the arcade is up, our Toddler is a mess.  He is crying and whinning and we take that as our cue to leave.  Head for the exits.

He cries all the way home and we put him to bed STAT.  Hubby lays down with him in our bedroom while I hang out with the Toddler.

That evening I make Upside-down German Apple Pancake - a recipe out of America's Test Kitchen.  It turns out great and the four of us devour it.  Immediately after I eat I test.  (A little backwards this time, eh?) and I am 11.3...  I did have a few bites about 15 min ago as I was rounding up the troops for "vecera" (a Slavic word for snack before bed).  Either way, I correct and take enough insulin for 70 g of carbs (something I will regret later).  I eat almost 2 of those slices of "pancake".

Kids go to bed (well they don't "go", we put them to it... I look forward to the day when they will "go to bed"... for now, routines save me.  Pee, brush teeth, sticker - for brushing teeth - PJs, book, pray, night-night.)

Hubby and I settle in for CRAZY STUPID LOVE and half way through I feel my tongue get funny.  I tell hubby I am crashing and he goes upstaris to retrive my tester and a couple juice boxes.  I test and BG is 2.6  Yikes.  Over-shot that insulin for the German evil pancake.  Ok it wasn't evil.  It was delicious.  I just really didn't want to spike from it (since it's all white flour and sugar... well the sugar was brown... but it's all the same).

I down the juice box and we finish the movie without any more interruptions from Sue-Lynn.  Before midnight I have to grab something to eat.  The juice box won't be enough and I don't want to crash in the night.  I have half of a piece of the pancake (LOL) and then go to bed.

Today was not so bad.  Not as fantastical as yesterday.  But still a win.

Me: Exposed Day 3

Saturday.

This morning started off gloriously.  The kids were happy, I was happy... heck, even Sue-Lynn was happy - my BG was 6.1.  That's at least 3 mornings in a row where my wake up BGs were amazing - simply perfect... but my night BGs are high.  From snacks... I always snack in the evening hours.  But on the other hand I can also confirm that my night time correction factor is perfect

For breakfast I made "eggies in a hole" but today it was eggie in a heart for daddy, and eggies in little people for me and the boys.  I can sort of see the outline of the gingerbread cookie shaper in the middle of my mom's homemade bread.  And to drink, blood-red orange juice.  Bolus for the bread and OJ (45 grams) and start getting ready for the Diabetes Expo at the Croatian Center.

I decided to take my JK.er along with me and he did great! He behaved wonderfully.  We picked up lots of magnets and pens and we filled out our SWAG bag full of goodies.  We sat down for the presentation by a representative from the Benting House that is located in London, Ontario.  A very knowledgeable curator from the museum gave the whole spiel on Canada's greatest discovery ("not invention" as he pointed out, "because insulin has always been there, Banting just discovered it").  I was moved to tears when he showed pictures of the first few 3 and 4 year-olds that were put on insulin for the first time.  Previous to their mom's seeking out Banting and offering their children for the trails, these kids were on a starvation diet with calorie intake of max 1000 Cal per day down to 400 cal per day. They were so malnourished; they were skin and bones.  Then it showed a picture one year later of two of the boys and they were both happy-looking plump and healthy.  I put my arm around my JK.er and dabbed at my eyes.  He was playing angry birds on my phone and I couldn't be happier to be the one with the disease and not him.


My Diabetes Nurse Educator was given a prestigious award at the EXPO.  I am so proud of her.  As I've mentioned before my DNE is amazing.  She has kept me on the ball and gotten me back on the straight and narrow.  I am so thankful to have her on my ENDO team.











The EXPO served some veggies and sandwiches.  I tested and my sugar was 6.7  I was so excited.  I wanted to show it to someone because I felt it was a small accomplishment.  I high-fived my JK.er instead.  He was the one that helped me test this time.  My boys insist on taking turns "pricking" my finger.  So the Toddler got to use the lancette device at breakfast and now my JK.er had his opportunity at lunch.

We had to leave and head over to a birthday party for one of my JK.er's classmates.  There was a clown, animal balloons,  snacks, cake, presents and a stubborn piñata.  Both my JK.er and the Toddler attended and we all had a good time.  The birthday girl is one of his little buddies.  More snacks, and a bit of cake.

By dinner time I tested and had another perfect BG - 6.1.  I made sirloin burgers and we had them with mozza cheese, tomatoes, ketchup and mustard.  More blood orange juice for a drink.  I bolused for those, another 50 g and get to tidying up the house.

Finally around 7 pm I went to the movie store with the kids and came back with Hannah, Franklin and My Big Fat Greek Wedding.  I already have CRAZY, STUPID, LOVE rented.  That will be tomorrow night's movie.

I grab a spoon and scoop some nutella on it.  My favorite dessert.  I didn't bolus for it and around midnight my sugar is 9.1 appropriately.  I can't believe how fantastic today was.  I was a good good good diabetic.