Sue-Lynn, THE SQUATTER

What is up with today?  I had nightmare after nightmare last night - everything from dogs attacking me, to B&E's in my house, to getting lost in a foreign country where I didn't speak the language and night was coming.  When my toddler woke up this morning at 7 am, I would have paid anyone a lot of money to allow me to sleep just one more hour.  It is now 2 pm and I still feel the same.

My older son is off to school (JK) and due back in about 2 hours actually; the toddler - who is 1 and a half years old - is visiting grandpa down the street; Daddy is off to work, and I'm Eeyore-ing around the house.   I should go to the gym, but I'd rather stay in PJs.  I should take out meat from the freezer for tonight... but then I'd have to plan out the meal (something that should have been done last week perhaps... but who has time for that?). I should do many things (including laundry, sort the socks that seem to continually divorce one another, do the dishes (from baking a cake on Saturday... it's Monday).  There are many "shoulds" if only this one would.

I guess I'm having a case of the Mondays.  I don't have enough pieces of flair and I didn't attach the PTS report... what can I say?

Add to all of this blood sugars (BGs) that are off.  "Define "off"", said my new counsellor last week.  I decided I need someone other than me to help me figure all this out.  I have a life long disease and I can't wrap my head around it.  I am doing somewhat decent but I have seen the light and I know I can do better.  Both pregnancies were fabulous.  A1Cs of 5.2 and not a thing touched my lips without me know exactly where my BG was at.  I stayed away from evil cereals (which happen to be my favorite: Apple Cinnamon/Honey Nut Cheerios or MiniWheats), I ate sensibly and understood the life long regret I would have if my little baby would have any complications or illness due to mommy not being able to resist that Honey Cruller Donut.  I wanted someone outside of my head to help me reason all this out.

She asked some pretty though-provoking questions as I spoke.  "What is my relationship with my diabetes?"  Relationship?!  Pretty dysfunctional.  We'll give my diabetes a name, Sue Lynn, so that I can yell at her like she's a real person.

Sue-Lynn is annoying.  She is constantly nagging.  "You should test. You shouldn't eat that.  I told you not to eat that.  You should change the injection site.  You don't want to have too many of those scars.  You should change your attitude.  Clean up your act.  Stop ignoring me.  Are you listening to what I'm saying?  When was the last time you tested?  I shouldn't even have to ask that.  You should know where your BGs are at constantly.  You don't feel well?  No pity here.  If you would have listened.  That's what you get.  And of course you won't go find your tester.  Where is your purse?  What do you mean you ran out of batteries?"

Constantly nagging nagging nagging.  I can't stand it.  And if I do go and "find my tester" (which is probably in my purse... but where is my purse?) and I find out that my sugars ARE off, then I can hear Sue-Lynn "Um-hm.  I knew it.  You didn't listen.  You know what you should do ('cause I'm always telling you) but you don't listen!"  Enter GUILT.

So, I hope my counsellor will be able to help me accept Sue-Lynn.  I can't get rid of her.  She is the worst SQUATTER in history.  There is no way to evict her and there are no authorities to scare her straight.  Only pregnancy.

Speaking of pregnancy.  I'm late. About 3 weeks.  But no pregnancy.  At least not last week when I checked.   Weird.  I think I'll pick up another tester today.  But I want to figure all this out and get better before I am pregnant.  Otherwise I'm always thinking about those first crucial 3 weeks before I knew... how were my sugars/what did I eat/how long did I have that high... and on and on it goes.

It seems Sue-Lynn and I have a long road ahead.  We've been together since 2005, 7 years ago.  I'm not sure how long she was stalking me, or scoping out the property.  She saw her opportunity right after I had strep throat that July and pounced on me like a lion.  Now, here I am feeling guilt-ridden, Eeyore-ing around the house on a beautiful Monday in Spring.  It's so unlike me.  I am Tigger not Eeyore.  I bounce and bounce and fill up my schedule with all kinds of things.  I enjoy life and love getting involved .  But today... well I guess I am just "off".